We all have friends in life, and some of us may feel or even believe we have so many friends in life. But when we think and look deeper, we realize only very few of them are that close that we feel so deeply emotionally involve, to the point that we even trust them with our deepest emotions and secrets.

Lately a friend of ours who happened to become a business partner in one of our endeavors, complained about how the business is not making him much money. This was despite his willingness to shed out of his pockets in the beginning of the startup, in which and thankfully we didn’t need to do so. Meaning we each were able to earn pretty good from the start.

However, as time pass by I realize, he is not happy with the results, not to mention the startup is less than a 6-month activated and just 2 projects has made more than $3000 net profit each.

I started to explain how patient he has to be and also not to forget all the efforts other teammates put in each project.

Knowing him for more than 20 years, and of course lately (because of this startup) I have realized his greed in influencing his judgment towards other teammates and that could start a conflict.

Though I don’t have any worries and as one of my side hustles, this startup is doing fine, yet one thing made me think. What brings our friendships to different levels. How come I have friends whom I met just a couple of years but I feel so much closer to them compared to my friend and partner whom I know for more than 20 years!?

As an introvert, despite knowing many people and having many connections, I don’t have so many close friends and among those, only few (less than fingers of my hands) I trust my life with.

And among the two I feel transparent towards only 2 of them. Wait, 3 of them!

But what makes each person to be in a certain type of friendship and what makes one to be kept!

I think the answer is hidden in three words; Trust, Vulnerability, and Love!

We love some of our friends to the point that they become closer to us compared to our relatives and even some siblings. We love them that we feel responsible towards their lives too, to the point that we are willing to encourage them, save them (emotionally, financially and even with health – like donating organ or blood), and at some point, even to sacrifice or take risks for them.

This is because we feel the same from them as well.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard: 

We are also vulnerable towards them and we are so open to them that they know much about our lives. Sometimes they know the deepest secrets and we share our deepest emotions and even our personal information with them. This comes because we feel the same as well and we too know much about them. We feel they don’t hide many information from us and we too don’t hide things from them (of course this doesn’t mean there should not be any boundaries at all but I believe you get the point).

All friendships are different, but we always make ourselves most vulnerable with true friends. – Frank Crane

All of this happens because of one thing; Trust. Which goes both ways, and the more in becomes the deeper the other two values (vulnerability and love) follow.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen R. Covey

There I got the answer, I remember when transparency was shed after I realized how my partner was able to get freebees from some sponsors of our projects without telling others. His selfish act was the reason I couldn’t make our relationship deeper than what it is now.

I can’t and don’t blame him for that at all, after all people are different and act differently in different circumstances. His hidden actions behind other teammates which give him the feeling of winning will eventually make his image clear for others. That one day will sadden me but for now I am his friend and I cannot ignore the memories we share and all the good deeds he too had. He is not a bad person at all. He is just not worth becoming an intimate or close friend yet. The two diagrams bellow, shows the Hierarchy of Friendship;